Being aware of the spotlight effect to bring personal freedom
About six years ago I was walking into a high school gym to watch one of my son's basketball games.
Let me set up the scene: It was a decent size gym but they were only allowing fans to sit on one side. So both the home and visitor fans were on the same side.
We were the visitors. In order to get to our section, we had to walk by the home section.
So I head to the far side of the gym and as I am walking I have the thought "I wonder what I look like walking right now?"
It was a passing yet pointed thought. Some might say that is a weird thought. If weird is strange and bizarre then that thought is not weird. Unfortunately, for many of us, it is a totally normal thought.
The Spotlight Effect
This experience is called 'Spotlight Effect'. It is one of my favorite mental models because when you learn it, it can bring about a level of freedom that you didn't know was available.
The 'Spotlight Effect' can be described as "The tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us."
Another definition is "A psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are."
This tendency is often the starting point of a slippery slope of people pleasing.
Initially we are simply under the illusion that people are focused on us. Next, our thoughts turn to how we can fit in and be thought of as cool to those who are so focused on us. And then we must please those people.
The 'Spotlight Effect' is one of my favorites because it can help us walk in freedom.
Freedom from our constant internal dialogue of
- "What are people thinking about me?"
- "How do I look?"
- "Am I acting right?"
- "Am I cool enough?"
...or maybe more simply
- "Am I enough?"
We can avoid this slippery slope not by reminding ourselves that people love us but rather they are often not even thinking about us.
When we walk around in this life understanding that the people whom we think are judging and grading us are in fact judging and grading themselves...we can walk in freedom!
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One of my weekly disciplines is scouring the internet for articles/tweets I can learn from and/or use with those I work with. Below are two that I hope help encourage and equip you.
Article 1- Intrinsic Motivation (super short...must read)
Article 2- 24 Leadership Principles
Podcast: Rob Vaughn, Baseball coach at the University of Alabama. One of the best young coaches in college baseball. Star in the making!
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