Human Patterns (Pt 4)
Another week of patterns and their strengths and weaknesses.
Pattern 1: Criticality
The two extremes when it comes to criticality is:
1. The "nothing is ever good enough" person.
2. The "everything is awesome" person.
Lets break these down.
Strengths of Extremely Critical People (nothing is ever good enough)
This is the person who sees issues with people and processes.
When you have this person on your team, things will NOT slip through the cracks.
They will have an eye for people in need of improvement. They are often consumed with finding things that their people can and should be doing better.
They are also going to have a critical eye for things (processes, procedures, projects).
They are going to have an eye for detail that will help avoid mistakes and see things that no one else sees.
I have been around this type of person, and honestly, they are really good for me. During one event that I was overseeing, I had several round tables set up. All but one had a tablecloth. Being short one table cloth, I went searching for one. I found one and put it on the last round table.
My highly critical friend immediately, from 30 yards away, says "That tablecloth doesn't match the others. We need one that matches."
If someone would have come to me and said "You have one hour to find something in this room that is not right", I literally wouldn't have noticed the tablecloth was not exactly like the rest.
High criticality people naturally see what and who can be better and how!
Constraints of Extremely Critical People
The constraint is they often wear out their welcome quickly.
Our greatest strength overplayed is our greatest constraint. And there are very few constraints that can rub people wrong like highly critical people.
I don't know anyone (even highly critical people) who like to be around someone who is always pointing out things that are not 'right'.
The highly critical person picks apart people. They often are unable to recognize that people have different gifts and wirings.
So, if someone does not think or act like them, well, something must be wrong.
The highly critical person can come across as self-righteous and judgmental.
The highly critical person also picks processes and projects apart. When this strength gets overplayed, they start to criticize preferential things. They are great to have when you put a mismatched tablecloth on but a pain to have when their process is the only way to do things.
To sum up the constraint, highly critical people are often "too much" for everyone else.
Possible Helps
If you are highly critical it is important that you are consistently asking yourself: "Does what I am seeing and thinking need to be said?"
One of my buddies, Mike Lord, would say "You don't need to swing at every pitch." Meaning, sometimes just keep your opinion to yourself and not mention how you think something can be fixed/made better.
If you avoid swinging at every pitch, when you do swing, it will have more impact.
Another help is to frame your critiques in a more helpful way. There are two extremes to giving critique...the "blunt force trauma" way and the "I am not even sure what they just said" way. Find the middle ground.
Share what you think can be improved with confidence and clarity but do it in a way that communicates you are for the other person. Do it gently, directly, and with humility.
Phrases like:
"Quick thought- what if we...."
"Question. What do you think about..."
"Here is an idea I'll throw at the wall and see if it sticks..."
will help your feedback and ideas be more digestible to others.
PS. Sometimes you just need to say, "Change that, it is not good enough." But if that is always your language, you might be faced with a team that pretty much hates working for you!
Strengths of Low Criticality People (everything is awesome)
Now that we have a picture of the highly critical person, let's talk about the low critical person.
These people are often distributing encouragement to others.
They do not nit-pick people or processes.
They are laid back and are "go with the flow" type people.
You will rarely find this person picking things apart, creating tension during a meeting, or second-guessing things.
They would often be defined as low maintenance.
In so many cases they are a dream to have on your leadership team.
Constraints of Low Critical People
The biggest constraint is they don't move the needle with their team. Things are always "fine"...even when others see and know they aren't.
Low critical people will miss obvious things that can make people and things better.
Sure, they are encouraging but no one was ever encouraged to greatness. There needs to be challenge. There also needs to be an ability to see how someone or something can be better and help that person or thing be better.
The low critical person would rather be liked than help people and processes be better.
Possible Helps
They must be asking themselves constantly "How can he or she be better?" Or "How can this be better?"
Once they see how people or things can be better, then they must actually communicate that.
Like all the possible helps I've mentioned in the past three weeks, they will have to be super intentional to think in terms of "How can this be better?" and avoid consistently defaulting to "It’s fine."
Find the Sweet Spot
There is a sweet spot for criticality. As with most wirings, it is important to know both the strength and the constraint so you can pull on the rope when the strength is getting overplayed.
When a person is in that sweet spot for criticality, they are great to have on a team because they are encouraging and low maintenance but they also are able to spot when people or things can be better!
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One of my weekly disciplines is scouring the internet for articles/tweets I can learn from and/or use with those I work with. Below are two that I hope help encourage and equip you.
Article 1- Are you stressed out by trying to control others?
Article 2- Paradoxes of life
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