When trying too hard backfires
The paradox of approval.
The harder we try to win the approval of a spouse, friend, co-worker, or boss, the less approval we get.
When trying to attain approval from someone, we will often disguise it with "I am trying to connect, love, and serve them."
Your reaction (outwardly or inwardly) when another doesn't respond how you want to your "connection, love, and service" is the litmus test.
If you do something for another person and their response is not big enough or grateful enough, and you get hurt or mad, you are probably not truly trying to love or serve them but rather craving their approval.
True connection, love, and service are done not to get something (approval) but out of selflessness. Not expecting anything in return.
The more we are UNconcerned with the approval of others, the more likely we are to get it.
The more we connect, love, and serve people expecting nothing in return, the more likely we are to garner approval from others.
Needy people repel healthy people.
Healthy people have a hard time with needy people.
Healthy attracts healthy and needy attracts needy.
Question
Who are you currently trying to win the approval of?
What if you decided to simply serve and love this person and didn't give a rip about how they respond? Whether they give you a huge "THANK YOU...YOU ARE THE BEST", or they don't or barely notice...you keep loving and serving.
PS. The question is not do we have fear of man or people pleasing but rather to what level do we struggle with it? It might be one of the biggest barriers to high-level, authentic leadership. I see it consistently hurt really good leaders. It is tough to overcome but I am not sure that you can lead at a high level if people-pleasing is strong in your life. It causes too much inconsistency, indecisiveness, and a lack of courage.
CLICK here to order my book The Leadership Greenhouse
------
One of my weekly disciplines is scouring the internet for articles/tweets I can learn from and/or use with those I work with. Below are two that I hope help encourage and equip you.
Article 1- Humble and Hungry
Article 2- Responding Thoughtfully
Podcast: Zach Sorensen, Mental Performance Coach, Atlanta Braves. Stud!
Three Ways I Can Help:
1 on 1's - A powerful solution to combat the isolation and loneliness that often accompanies leadership. Leading with excellence can be an uphill battle, but you don't have to face it alone. My 1-on-1 coaching is designed to be your trusted thought partner, offering thought-provoking, perspective-enhancing questions that ignite fresh insights and clarity. Together, we will delve into the depths of your leadership role, helping you gain a profound understanding of yourself and your program. Our personalized approach ensures that each session is tailored to meet your specific needs and goals.
Here is a testimony from a 1 on 1 client: "Travis has helped me become a better leader. Travis has helped me organize my thoughts and has given me so much clarity on how to lead on a day to day basis. There is no doubt that he is the biggest asset to my leadership and has reenergized my coaching style." Jeff Duncan, Head Baseball Coach, Kent State
Training Day - During this transformative experience, I will guide you through the essential principles that lay the foundation for an elite environment in your program. Our approach is entirely interactive, ensuring an engaging and dynamic learning journey for all participants.
The Tribe - What are your pain points? What do you need to do to become a better leader? To create a better environment? Join a group of like-minded coaches who get together (via Zoom) every 2nd and 4th Monday to discuss and work through principles and frameworks to help you become a better leader.